Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
