On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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