I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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