ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
