U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Drake has all the answers
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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