I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
