girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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