This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
