I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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