in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
