wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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