And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
