Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
