But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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