wat bout pragnant strippers??
I accidentally burped into my bong.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hippo gnu deer
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
