K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Two words: nipple clamps
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