I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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