i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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