just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
