Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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