my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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