So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
