I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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