i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
