i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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