I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
