mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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