Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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