I wanna bring you to show and tell
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
