i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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