I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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