she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
