I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
