I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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