i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
