No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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