his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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