Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just high enough for therapy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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