omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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