Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
