That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
