I think i sorta joined a cult last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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