why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
