The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm like, not good at living.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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