i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
