is your mom at the bar?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
