if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
