my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
