apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
4 words: hood of his car
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
