I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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