Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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