no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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