If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
