Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize