I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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