I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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