My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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