So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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