I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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