id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You smell like stripper and shame
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
