at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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