i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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