We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
