Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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