I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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