I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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