I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
