sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
