I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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